Doctors With Borders
by SLLS
Summary: 5 Years since they last met, Kerry volunteers with Doctors Without Borders whilst coming to terms with her life recently, only to meet an old and unlikely friend in the Congo.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of these characters; never have, never will do. Feel free to sue if you wish, although I have nothing worth taking except a tin of rice pudding... but you must supply your own can opener.

**A/N – Ok so this is set 5 years after Kerry and Kim went their separate ways. Everything has pretty much followed the series onwards but the only spoilers here are around Kerry/Kim/Sandy storyline. Kerry is now in the Congo with Doctors without Borders and we shall go from there...**

**Sunday**

Kerry lifted her head up to the sun, taking a long sip out of her bottle of water. Feeling the gentle rays warming her face as she enjoyed the cool water running down her throat. She didn't often get a break to just enjoy the surroundings so she soaked up as much as she could when she could. Slowly lowering the bottle, Kerry squinted into the distance, watching children playing chase with one another. Resettling herself onto her crutch, she relieved the pressure off of her aching hip as she did so. Often she would join in their less active games when she had the time, which seemed to be a luxury lately.

Soft footsteps moved up behind her but before she had the chance to turn around, she heard a voice. "It's just me Dr Weaver," the soft French voice spoke. The woman stepped up beside her, nodding her head slightly in greeting. "I brought you this out, you're starting to burn." She offered Kerry a baseball cap, which she took gratefully.

"Thank you, but you can call me Kerry... Gillian isn't it?" Kerry replied as she manoeuvred her way around the crutch hanging on her arm to put the cap on, pulling her short ponytail out of the way.

"Yes," Gillian replied, her eyes moving to the group of children. "They're certainly looking a lot better."

Kerry followed the French woman's gaze to the group again. It was amazing how fast they had come off of their IV drips. Others were not so lucky. Days like today, seeing the kids running around was tantamount to a miracle out there and Kerry smiled, knowing she had been partially to help.

As if reading Kerry's thoughts, Gillian offered, "Amazing to see what a difference we can make out here. Are you enjoying it?"

Thinking for a moment, Kerry replied, "Most days. When I see things like these kids playing when only days ago it was debatable if they'd ever wake up, I enjoy it. Reminds me of my son back home too," Kerry smiled at the thought of how Henry had been growing and how he wasn't too dissimilar the boys playing in front of her. "But then I suppose you see the bad days, families broken apart by disease and fighting... children..." she paused momentarily, collecting her thoughts, "and then I also think of my son."

Nodding beside her Gillian asked, "Is this Henry who I have heard so much about from Luka?"

"Yes," Kerry laughed to herself, swatting aimlessly at flies around her. "They get on well."

Silence fell over them both as they continued to watch the boys, each one's thoughts elsewhere for the time being. In the distance, a truck engine roared and a horn tooted into their silence. Both looked up at the approaching vehicle, taking a small step back as it pulled up in front of them.

"Ah, my ride," Gillian explained, moving quickly to the side of the clinic tent, picking up a large rucksack and slinging it over her slim shoulders.

"Another supply run?" Kerry asked, adjusting her stethoscope absently around her neck.

"Yes, we need more oxygen so I need to head out, should be back tomorrow morning I would expect, easier to travel under darkness," she added, climbing into the back of the truck and lowering her rucksack to her feet. "Plus we have a new doctor arriving tomorrow so we'll need to grab them also."

Kerry took another step back as the truck began to slowly pull forward, turning back on itself. "Well good luck."

"Thank you," Gillian called out over the engine revving as it began to pull away. "You too." With that she threw a short wave over her shoulder as the truck disappeared around the other side of the clinic.

Standing alone now, Kerry took one last sip of her water before making her way towards the group of children. She hated to be the spoil sport but they did need their daily check up.

...

Leaning back into her thin pillow, Kerry sighed as she closed her eyes, letting the day's events wash away from her. She pulled the mosquito net tighter around her bedding area before picking up her son's photograph that she kept hidden beneath her pillow. Holding it close to her face, she studied Henry's features, realising just how much he was beginning to resemble her, _or the donor we picked, _she corrected herself. Sighing, she kissed the picture briefly, closing her eyes and thinking about holding Henry close to her. She felt a small tear prick her eye, like most nights, but she quickly pushed it away, reminding herself that Henry was probably having the best time with his grandparents whilst she was away 'saving the day!' as Henry liked to call it.

"Mija," she mumbled softly, a word she had heard many times from Sandy to herself and Henry and she smiled gently. Laying the picture gently on her chest, firmly clasped in her hands, she began to drift off, thoughts of herself, Henry and Sandy filling her mind as the fell into an uneventful sleep.

**A/N – Felt like a reunion piece with a bit of a twist. Please R&R and any good or bad things feel free to point out! More shortly...**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of these characters; never have, never will do. Feel free to sue if you wish, although I have nothing worth taking except a tin of rice pudding... but you must supply your own can opener.

**Monday**

Sitting at the small makeshift picnic benches in the 'staff' mess hall, Kerry moved her breakfast around the plate with her spoon. Nothing said a hearty breakfast like oatmeal... if that in fact is what it was. Instead she lowered her spoon and picked up her banana, peeling it swiftly and devouring it just as fast. When she had been working in the ER, eating was more of a luxury than a basic human right and the same was true of here. You ate on the go and half the time you never realised you'd missed a meal until you were hooked up to an IV beside the patients.

Dropping the peel onto her plate, Kerry leant back in her chair, glancing around at the few doctors meandering around the room. She had made her introductions the first day of arriving but many of them besides Gillian rarely spoke to her. She had kept very much to herself these past few weeks and was intrigued to see who would arrive next in camp.

Standing with her plate in hand, Kerry looked up at the voices coming through the door. She could see Gillian looking to a figure to her right, the new doctor Kerry imagined.

"Daniel will show you to where we all sleep, it's not the greatest but it's home for now." Gillian explained to the person, before turning to look at Kerry. "Good morning."

"Morning," Kerry replied, walking over to the bin and scraping her waste in the oil drum. "I thought you'd be back a little later on."

"No, we were very lucky with our route, no problems at all." Gillian smiled broadly at Kerry, pulling up a seat at the table. "New doctor seems nice."

Lowering herself back onto her chair, Kerry laid her crutch beside her. One of the other doctors whose name she never remembered was taking the morning rounds, so she had most of the morning free. She was to introduce the new doctor to the camp and show them the protocols they worked to here. It was scut work but anything for a break from the sweltering heat of the clinic was welcome.

"So who is he, anybody I know?" Kerry asked, unscrewing the cap on her water bottle and taking a large swig.

"Well it's a she and yes, they say you have met before." Gillian replied, a small twinkle to her eye.

"Hey Gillian, I set up all of my things, ready for orientation!" A tall blonde woman entered the mess hall, her voice vaguely familiar to Kerry's ears. She finished taking her drink, feeling a spot of water begin to dribble down her chin. When her eyes met the woman before her, she was lucky to keep the liquid in her mouth. "Hi Kerry." The woman offered as Kerry dumbly wiped the moisture away with the back of her hand.

"Kim..."

...

Kim Legaspi hadn't changed at all. Kerry took in the woman sitting in front of her as if stuck in a dream. Or perhaps a nightmare as they had last left it. She had her blonde curls pulled back into a loose ponytail, her light blue eyes searching her surroundings, her gaze momentarily locking on to Kerry's.

"So..." Kim began, folding her arms across her chest. The heat had already started getting to her, with small sweat droplets hanging onto the bottom of her tank top and cotton shirt she wore over it. "It's certainly warm out here." _Great Legaspi, talk about the weather, _she chided herself internally, smiling at Kerry.

"Most of the time, sometimes the showers break it for a while but they can be very few and far between." Kerry replied, trying not to stare too much at Kim. She never thought she would ever see this woman again after everything that had happened. They had taken a break, or more like a break up. Kerry had taken a trip to clear her head whilst Kim had moved out of Chicago with no warning. Long ago it had hurt a lot but Kerry thought about the picture sitting beneath her pillow and continued the conversation. "My parents loved it here, me being the pale redhead, not so much." She gave a short laugh which Kim quickly joined in also.

In that moment as Kim laughed along with Kerry she realised just how little she knew about Kerry's past and childhood. She had known that Kerry was adopted by her parents and that she had spent some time here but more than that was a blur. It had been a whirlwind romance for both of them and it never occurred to Kim that although they had been close, they had never been close enough.

"Anyway," Kerry broke into Kim's thoughts, standing up slowly from the table, balancing with her crutch. She had been sitting down to long and her hip had begun to stiffen up slightly, nothing a small walk wouldn't handle. "I can show you the clinic if you like, introduce you to some patients."

"Kerry, can we just talk for a minute." Kim looked up at Kerry, her eyes questioning. Kerry remembered the same look from when they had gone out for dinner on thanksgiving, when Kim had tested the waters on her 'second date theory'.

"Erm, sure, I guess. We've got time." Kerry began to mumble her words, not quite sure what to make of what Kim wanted to discuss. She lowered herself again and folded her hands on the table; her eyes open to Kim's.

Kim cleared her throat before she began. "I just thought, that with everything that has happened between us and it has been five years now, that perhaps we can leave all of that behind us, you know. Start a fresh?"

Looking down at her hands, Kerry began to fiddle with the gold band that she wore around her left ring finger. She spun it around slowly, composing her thoughts before she asked, "How fresh?"

"Perhaps friends? Get to know each other; we kind of missed out on the friendship part the last time." Kim continued on, taking a mental note of the ring and the questions she had to ask later on.

"Sure," Kerry replied, giving her full attention to Kim. "Friends. So, on that note, what brings you to the Congo?"

Kim laughed to herself, Kerry had always been so inquisitive. "Well it's not often that Psychiatrists can get out here. Sure, there is a need for doctors but what about the psychological damage these wars and illnesses are causing to families and children? It seemed as good a time as any to offer my services. What about you?"

Sitting back, Kerry paused for a moment, thinking as to why she had volunteered to come out here. Luka and John's tales had certainly reminded her of not only the conflict but also the beautiful continent she had grown up on, but two years on, she was still somewhat in grieving for Sandy. Not that she didn't love her son, he was the most important thing in her life but part of her knew she needed this break to reassess everything that had happened to her family. Was it such a coincidence that Kim had arrived now? Instead she settled on, "Always wanted to come back after my childhood." She added a small smile brightening up her face.

"Right, it must have been lovely." Kim smiled back, not pushing the subject any further. Brushing a strand of her hair behind her ear, her eyes twinkled as she gazed at Kerry for a long moment, neither one wanting to be the first to tear their eyes away. "I suppose I had better see the clinic."

Kerry looked down at her crutch, hurrying to stand up. She had felt uncomfortable gazing at her ex-girlfriend but felt drawn to her. The guilt began to creep in and she kept her eyes down, away from Kim's. She threaded her arm deftly into the crutch and set off leading the way silently out of the door.

Noticing Kerry's behaviour, Kim just followed the petite woman out of the mess hall and into the morning sunshine. She could feel the discomfort radiating from Kerry and kept a few steps back so as not to crowd her. _We've got a lot of work to do here Legaspi, _she thought to herself as she followed behind Kerry and entered the clinic.

**A/N – So I'm pretty much just going with the flow on this one, again, anything then please review and let me know what you all are thinking. It's much appreciated...**


	3. Chapter 3

A/N – Thanks for the reviews, in this chapter you'll find scenes from 'Kisangani', obviously minus Carter but add Kerry and Kim. Tried to get it as similar to the episode as I could so it sounded somewhat realistic but do let me know what you all think, good or bad. Thanks for reading!

Monday Afternoon

"Ok so when you run out of people to analyse, " Kerry gave a small smile over her shoulder, "You can fall back on your basic medical skills. So a fever and a cough is usually pneumonia and we'd treat it with cotrimoxazole. A fever and watery diarrhoea is probably cholera so we would use doxy and rehydrate also." Kerry made her way slowly through the ward, nodding at several patients as she went, pointing out examples to her cases, "Chances are if they come in with recurrent infections and are beginning to waste away; AIDS. Best thing to do to help is to prepare the family for death. We also use Fansidar here to treat Malaria, patient may show up with a fever but no sores. Any questions?" She turned on her heel abruptly to face Kim, who almost walked into her. She reached her arms out momentarily to steady herself, touching Kerry's shoulders briefly.

Kim smiled quickly and laughed off the gesture, lowering her arms, "Not that I can think of. Do I get my own stethoscope?"

"Of course," Kerry beckoned a nurse over, asking her something in French before the nurse nodded, walking away.

"I didn't know you spoke French." Kim curiously stated.

"Some, I did grow up here remember." Kerry's gaze was drawn to a gentleman who was clutching a young boy to his chest protectively, the child's head lolling on his broad shoulders. Moving past Kim, Kerry approached the man, signalling for him to lay his son down on the wooden table beside them.

Kim turned to watch, being momentarily distracted by the nurse she had seen speaking to Kerry handing her a stethoscope. She took it and wrapped it around her neck, "Merci." She said to the nurse before joining Kerry beside the table.

Looking up, Kerry saw Kim approach, "This is Saida, dad says he's struggling with urination, fever and a cough."

Stepping closer to the child, Kim reached out and tenderley used her hands to press on the boys abdomen. "Bladder's enlarged," Kim muttered to Kerry who was busy taking the childs temperatue.

"And a mild fever. Hold on a second." Kerry reached under the boy and lifted his back gently off of the table. The child's dad stepped forward to help but Kim stopped him, holding up her hand.

The boys arms hung at his side loosely as did his head, rolling backwards and exposing his neck. Kerry lowered the child slowly, cradling his head. Pausing a moment, she repeated the movement, getting the same results. Lowering him finally, Kerry stated sadly ,"Poliomyelitis." Brushing strands of her hair off of her face, she continued, "Tripod sign and bladder paresis diagnoses it out here."

"Polio?" The man asked in English, tears beginning to brim in his eyes.

"Oui, polio." Kerry nodded solemnly, helping to lift the child back up and towards his father. The boy resumed his earlier position on his father, as Kerry spoke to them both in French. The father nodded and took his son into the triage ward where he sat down.

Kim stood a little dumbstruck at what had just occured. "So what happens now?" Kerry sighed at her question, leaning her back against the wall.

"I'll get the nurse to discuss options with them. No matter how many times you do this it'll never get easier." She leaned her head back, looking at the dank ceiling above. Kim swore she could see Kerry's eyes beginnning to water but before she could ask if she was ok, Kerry cut in. "Makes you appreciate the facilities we have. Anyway, I better go find that nurse." She lowered her head and gave Kim a weak smile before walking away.

Left alone, Kim watched the father and son holding eachother gently, the father beginning to cry. She knew that the small family would need someone to talk to so she made her way slowly over to them. They acknowledged her with a quick glance as she took a seat beside them and, as they waited for the nurse, the each sat in silence, contemplating many different things.

Monday Evening

Kerry laid her crutch down beside her, taking a seat on an upturned crate. Letting her head drop forward, she exhaled slowly, feeling her neck click as the tension left it. The muscles felt knotted so she reached up with a hand, only to feel another press lightly on her neck. Jumping slightly, she turned to see Kim, hand on her neck and two bottles of beer in the other.

"Beer?" Kerry asked, momentarily ignoring the feel of Kim's hand on the base of her neck and reaching for one of the bottles. "How presumptious of you to assume that I drink beer."

"But you do though right?"

"Well yeah but that's not the point." Kerry laughed as she twisted the cap off and taking a long sip. Kim gently rubbed at her neck, attempting to relieve the tension. Kerry let her continue for a moment before beckoning to Kim to join her in sitting. She obliged, pulling up a crate opposite Kerry before uncapping her own beer.

"What a first day huh?" Kerry asked, her hands cupping the cool bottle, listening to the ring clink against the glass. Kim's eyes followed the noise and settled on the ring as she took a sip from the bottle. Catching her stare, Kerry offered. "My wife."

"Sorry what?" Kim loooked up, half feigning ignorance and half surprised.

"Her name was Sandy. A firefighter." Kerry smiled, her eyes on the ground in front of her.

"Kerry I'm-" Kim tried to offer her apologies, her words cut off by a raised hand.

"It's okay. It's been a couple of years now." She looked up at Kim, her smile now fading. Before Kim could ask the next question, Kerry intervened. "It was a building collapse. No one was in there to save but they wanted to stop it spreading. She was so stupid going in there." She laughed shortly, knowing that if Sandy had known she'd called her stupid she would have a dead arm.

Kim paused a moment before adding, "Or brave."

"Or brave." Kerry echoed, taking another sip. They both fell silent for a moment, listening to the sounds of the Congo around them. Kim watched as Kerry began to tear up, reaching out a reassuring hand.

"If you ever need to talk. I'm here." Kerry brushed Kim's fingers gently. They were longer than Sandys, the nails neat and manicured even after their days efforts. She could feel the bones shifting beneath the skin as Kim gripped her fingers loosely before removing her hand, breaking the contact too soon.

Looking up into Kim's eyes, Kerry nodded solemnly. "Thank you, perhaps more another time, but I think I should be getting to bed. Beer goes straight to my head." She gave a small laugh as she stood up, trying to shake off the earlier mood. "I know what you're thinking, I know. I make a bad lesbian stereotype."

Kim picked up Kerry's crutch, lacing her arm through the cuff and brushing her hand momentarily. "I know, first no U-Hauling and now this? Quit the team." Kim laughed before adding, "But that's not what I was thinking."

Kerry looked as if she was going to say something, but then shut her mouth, as if realising she didn't need to, Kim's eyes said it all. "Well, night." Kerry exhaled finally, turning slowly towards their sleeping quarters.

Watching her walk away, Kim called out, "Night," before settling back down onto the box and finishing off her remaining beer. Leaning back, she looked up at the stars, her eyes closed, the bottle hanging loosely in her hands. After several minutes, she stood and stretched, feeling her back pop in many places. She headed for bed and when she reached the doorway, she paused mometarily to see Kerry behind her mosquito net, staring at a faded photograph. Watching for several seconds, Kim felt her eyes brim suddenly, surprising even herself. She waited until Kerry finally lay back, clutching the picture before she made her way to her bed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Tuesday Morning**

As the sun broke through the makeshift windows, Kim rolled over, squinting into the bright light. Even through the windows and the mosquito net, she thought the sun here playing off the walls was probably one of the most beautiful things she had ever seen. But not _the _most. Thinking along those lines, Kim rolled over on her cot to face Kerry's bed, only to find it empty. Frowning, Kim sat up sat up a little to find the curtain wide open and a photograph lying beside her cot.

Brushing aside the curtain around her, Kim stood up, stretching slowly in the sunlight, enjoying its warming rays. After a moment, she moved around to the other side, picking up the photograph by her feet. Letting her eyes adjust, she stared hard at the woman and boy in the photograph, her mind not quite catching up with her thoughts. She could see it was Kerry but the child? Well he certainly looked a little like Kerry; pale complexion, beginnings of red hair...

"Oh," was all Kim could muster as she connected the dots. She took another moment to gaze at the photo before sliding it back under Kerry's pillow. Turning, her mind still streaming with what she had just learnt, she began to change slowly, all of a sudden nervous at the day ahead.

...

By the time Kim made it into the clinic, Kerry was standing beside a family, listening to them intently as they spoke in French, explaining their teenage son's symptoms. She paused a while, watching the redhead work.

Kerry stepped forward and pressed her stethoscope against the boys back, listening to the sounds as her eyes met Kim's. They lingered for just a moment before Kerry removed the stethoscope and addressed the nurse beside her in English. "There's Rhonci and retractions, my guess would be pneumonia. Start him on IV ampicillin." The nurse nodded, turning to the family and explaining what they were going to do.

Stepping forward, Kerry met Kim by the entrance; her eyes looked red and sore. "Kerry are-"

"Yeah I'm fine," Kerry smiled off the concern, "Emergency in the night. FAC soldier. Still alive just." Her reply was short, as she rubbed her eyes, losing her balance momentarily. Kim reached out an arm, helping Kerry stand.

"Perhaps you should go and get some sleep. I'm sure we can keep this place going." Kim smiled, her eyes filled with concern.

Kerry regained her own balance, lowering her crutch to the ground. "It's okay; I don't really sleep that well out here anyway. Did you get a good night?"

Pausing for a second, Kim debated whether to bring up the photograph she had found when she had woken up, but Kerry looked too worn out to get into a subject so heavy for the both of them. Smiling whimsically, Kim replied, "Fine, was different to what I'm used to but I managed."

"I forgot how you liked your space in bed," Kerry found herself speaking before she knew it and she looked shocked at her words. Kim could only laugh, remembering back to the fights they had had over the bed.

"Hey it wasn't just me!" She defended herself, trying to break the tension. "I had to freeze to death before you gave me any covers!"

Kerry began to laugh at this, her uneasiness quickly fading as they both settled back into their 'old' routine. They had had a lot of fun together, it wasn't all heartache, Kerry reminded herself, watching the blonde in front of her grinning, her blue eyes sparkling. This trip was meant to help her find her closure to a life she had once led and to the life she would be returning to and whether she liked it or not, she felt Kim would be helping her.

As if sensing Kerry's thoughts, Kim reached out and brushed Kerry's arm. "I've missed this." Kim found herself almost whispering to Kerry, her eyes gazing at the people around her, seeing if anyone could hear them.

Kerry sighed loudly, her eyes gazing at her ring, but instead of lamenting on Sandy and feeling guilty, she replied, "Me too."

Kim was surprised at the reply but kept it well hidden. They both stood like this, gazing at one another until Gillian appeared beside them, a small smile on her lips. "I don't suppose I can borrow Kim for a moment Kerry? I have a patient she might like to talk to."

Looking at the small French woman, Kerry broke the gaze replying, "Sure, that's fine. Perhaps I'll catch up with you later?"

"Yeah, how about you treat me to lunch?" Kim began to walk away, stifling a laugh.

"I wouldn't count on it Legaspi!" Kerry called out, feeling the first genuine smile she had felt in a while.

**Lunch**

Sitting beside one another, Kim prodded her food around the plate slowly, the meal not exactly what she had expected. "Erm, what is this?" She asked Kerry who ate another mouthful.

"I tend not to ask, I just eat it, and you need to keep your energy up out here." Kerry finished off the last of her meal; her eyes watching Kim push around the food. "How fussy can you be?" She asked with a laugh, receiving a hurt look from Kim.

"Hey! I bet it took you a little while to adjust." Kim shot back, a smile showing she was only half joking.

"Well yeah but not wanting to be hooked up to an IV in that clinic scared my straight."

"Touché." Kim smiled, testing a small forkful. She pulled a face, lowering the fork. "Let's just give it a moment." Kerry laughed at her friend, remembering how fussy she had been when she had cooked for Kim.

"Okay. So, whilst we're taking a break from eating, what did you get up to in San Francisco?" Kerry asked, realising that she had no clue what had led Kim here in the last five years.

"Well, when I first got there I stayed with an old friend from college, she offered me a job in her private clinic she was running just outside of the city. The weather was hot, damp and I thought I was happy." Kim explained shortly, not wanting to delve too much into what had kept her occupied for the past five years, most of it had been short relationships, long hours of work and ugly break-ups.

"So you weren't happy?" Kerry picked up on the last thing she had said, her eyes curious.

Kim pushed her plate away from her and rested her arms on the table, levelling Kerry with a serious gaze. "To be honest, leaving Chicago was one of the worst things I have ever done. It was too big a decision to do on a whim and I just felt so trapped..." she let her eyes wander to the ring on Kerry's finger, smiling gently, "And I missed out on so much."

Kerry watched Kim's eyes studying the ring on her hand and she instinctively removed it. The look of shock on Kim's face was apparent and Kerry quickly explained; "I came here for closure. After you left, I felt so alone, so vulnerable and Sandy helped me close that chapter in my life. She outed me," Kim's eyes lit up, knowing she would have to ask about that story another time, "And I was happy again. I had a family and friends and I felt so complete and now there's another chapter of my life I need to close." She sighed heavily, turning the ring over in her hand. It was a plain gold band with Sandy's name engraved on the inside. She smiled, remembering the day they had gone to pick them out at the Jewellers and the look of shock on the gentleman's face serving them. Then her mind went to the memory of burying Sandy with her engraved ring. "And this ring keeps stopping me."

Kim had no idea what to say, so she just watched the redhead staring at the ring. So much had changed in five years she thought sadly. Kerry had grown into her new life and Kim had fallen out of it. They were both so different to the people they had been when they had first started their relationship and it scared Kim. She had known when she volunteered for the Congo that Kerry was going to be there and she needed closure too, but this woman in front of her was so different that all of a sudden she felt not the urge to close the door but to open it and see where it lead.

"I think..." Kim began slowly, gauging her words reaction on Kerry, "That we both came here for something different to our own lives and seeing you again... Well something is finally starting to feel right."

Turning the ring over once more, Kerry placed it in her shirt pocket, close to her heart. It wasn't a decision she had taken lightly, spending most of the night contemplating it over and over, but when Henry was old enough, he would have a reminder of his mother. Looking up, she met Kim's eyes imploring her to say something. She could see the worry etched on Kim's face and suddenly she was back in the doctor's lounge, rambling on as Kim was desperate for an answer. Impatient as always, Kim reached across and took Kerry's hand that the ring had been sitting in only moments earlier. She turned the palm up and brought it to her lips, her eyes never leaving Kerry's. She placed a small kiss on the palm and kept it close to her mouth, enjoying the scent she had missed for so long.

Kerry's eyes flashed several different emotions at once but she finally settled on one; happiness. "Another one of your guerrilla kisses?" She asked, remembering that split second moment when Kim had kissed her in the lounge and she kissed her back.

Kim's eyes creased up at the remark and she lowered the hand, revealing a huge grin. "You didn't complain."

"I think I did," Kerry shot back, resuming their earlier ease, "but then I changed my mind."

"I see," Kim stroked the hand in front of her, tracing the lines on the palm, "Well I think perhaps we should continue this conversation later. We have some lives to save." Kim became serious all of a sudden but the soft smile on her lips remained.

They both stood up and made their way to the doors, stepping out into the sunshine. Kerry made to step in front of Kim, facing her and taking the blonde's hands in her own. "I'm glad you're here Kim."

"Me too Kerry, I-" Kim began, rubbing the worn hands in front of her but the sound of a loud engine revving towards them broke her line of thought. Before they knew it the truck had driven into camp, the tyres kicking up dirt and stones into the air. It spun around and bullets fired out at the clinic and mess hall, the men on top emptying their weapons into the buildings.

As quickly as they had arrived they were gone and Gillian came running out of the clinic, blood on her hands and a wild look in her eyes. "Mai Mai," she shouted across to Kim and Kerry who had both ducked down in the hail of bullets. "Must have heard we had an FAC soldier here. Are you two ok? We need some help in here!"

"Yeah, we're fine," Kim replied as she helped Kerry stand up, leaning her against herself. "Kerry?"

Kerry swayed back for a moment, touching her stomach gingerly, she gasped with pain and pulled her hand away, seeing the blood on her hands and feeling its warmth flow down her legs. She fell forwards suddenly into Kim who helped her to the ground, pressing her hands to Kerry's stomach and screaming for help.

**A/N – Okay... I know, not the nicest thing to do to them but I'm pretty sure I know where I'm going with this. Again, any good things or bad things then let me know.**


	5. Chapter 5

She knew she was dying. The blood was soaking through her cargo trousers and warming her legs that had begun to feel cold. Above her she heard Kim's voice soothing her, the occasional break in her words for a small sob telling Kerry that all was not as well as she was being told. She opened her eyes briefly, catching a glimpse of Kim's blonde curls, inches from her face and feeling the beginnings of the long predicted rain beginning to pepper her face.

Closing her eyes again, Kerry lost herself in the moment, remembering the first time she had experienced the rain here. It was nothing like the rain back home. The dull sounds of the drops running off of the large leaves of the trees above and landing on top of the sheet metal roofing of the clinic had compelled Kerry to step outside and witness the ruckus. She had stood there in the doorway of the clinic for several minutes, breathing in the air as if the water had refreshed it. The smells of sickness and infection washed away all at once, leaving a cool aftermath that Kerry stepped out into, letting the rain soak into her clothes and hair.

Coming round as if from an incredible dream, Kerry once again gazed up at the face above her and realised it was not rain she was feeling, but tears rolling from Kim's cheeks. There was a bright light behind her, causing Kerry to squint. "What..." Her words trailed off as her eye lids began to droop over her eyes once more, "What..." But before she could finish she fell back into unconsciousness.

...

"Okay, I'll stay." Kim conceded as she removed her coat, placing it back on the coat hook in Doc Magoos. She moved around Kerry and sat back down in her seat, folding her arms on the table, waiting for Kerry to join her.

Sighing with relief, Kerry sat down opposite the blonde, removing her own coat with difficulty before giving her attention to Kim. Although she had just confronted the tall woman, Kerry became shy all of a sudden, keeping her eyes lowered to the table between them. She sat like this for a moment before steeling herself up to looking into the piercing blue eyes that held her there. "To be honest I didn't expect you to stay."

"To be honest I didn't expect to hear you ask me to." Kim replied, her features beginning to soften, the tension from the day settling away but not forgotten. "So what did you want to talk about Kerry?"

"How about Christmas." Kerry began, "And not being on the same page."

Kim nodded, knowing exactly what Kerry meant. "Ok, what about it exactly?"

"Well what if I am."

"If you are what Kerry?"

"On the same page."

Kim sat back in her seat, her eyes never leaving Kerry's. "Okay..." She exhaled, "So now you're on the same page?"

"Damnit Kim this is hard enough for me as it is." Kerry stated plainly, rubbing her eyes with her hands. Kim could see the stress in her eyes, something she had missed that day and now regretted pushing her so hard. "I don't want to fight with you anymore Kim, okay? I just want..."

"What do you want Kerry? Thanksgiving aside, Christmas aside, today aside, what do you want? Friendship? Because I've already told you I can't do that. Not again." Kim explained, leaning forwards her voice somewhat pleading now.

Kerry took a moment to watch the woman in front of her. Being the Chief of ER, she was well aware as to the lack of friends she had and the increasing workload and one day everything had changed. Dr Kimberley Legaspi had come down from Psych to introduce herself. She had taken Kerry's hand and shook it gently, revealing a bright smile and twinkling eyes. _"I'm sure we'll get to know each other a little better." _She had told Kerry who found herself smiling back at this enigmatic woman. Before she knew it they were becoming fast friends and taking their lunches together. Lunch became dinners; dinners became an awkward confession of Kim's attraction to Kerry and culminated in a desperate and unrequited kiss in the doctor's lounge.

As rain began to pound against the windows beside them, Kerry came back from her memories to Kim who sat before her now, waiting to see where this was going to lead. Reaching forward, Kerry took one of Kim's hands under her own, tracing the fragile bones that lay beneath her worn fingers. "I want to be with you."

...

She stormed out into the rain, her blonde curls and coat whipping up behind her in the wind. She was angry; Kerry could tell that much as she tried to keep up with the woman in front of her but shorter legs and a crutch slowed her down, forcing her to shout out. "Slow down Kim! Just talk to me!"

"About what Kerry?" Kim spun around facing the soaked woman in front of her. Kerry had run out of the ER in just her pants suit, her white coat hanging limply on her frame.

"Please Kim just come inside-" Kerry asked, blinking the raindrops out of her eyes, she didn't see Kim move closer until she towered over the smaller woman.

"You want to talk so bad then talk Kerry, I'm in a rush." Kim stared somewhere over Kerry's shoulder into the bustling ER, not wanting to show Kerry just how heartbroken she was.

"Don't leave like this Kim, I'm sorry about what has happened, it's all my fault..."

"Really Kerry? You think?" Kim found herself snapping at the fragile woman in front of her. She could see Kerry starting to shake from the cold and all she wanted to do was reach forward and hold her close but she held herself back.

Feeling the warm tears run down her face, mixing with the rain, Kerry searched Kim's eyes. For a split second she thought she saw a flicker of remorse but it quickly vanished, replaced by anger. "I don't know what else to say Kim."

"You never did Kerry. Maybe I'll see you around." With that Kim turned around again, brushing back her damp curls and wiping the tears from her eyes before heading out of the ambulance bay, slowing only to allow an ambulance past, its sirens wailing.

Standing numb in the rain, Kerry blurted out "I love you!" But she knew it would go unheard to all but herself above the siren. The doors behind her opened and Luka was suddenly at her side, moving towards the ambulance.

"Kerry do you need a hand out here?" Luka asked, studying the Chief's face. He had seen her follow Kim out into the rain moments ago and he thought her eyes looked red and sore but made no allusion to this, instead saying, "Perhaps you should head in to warm up, Carter can help me with this one."

She shook her head, her eyes moving slowly from the entrance of the bay to Luka's, "No, I'm fine. What have we got?"

...

She leant back further into the deep sofa, a cup of coffee warming her hands. An open book lay on her knees but she quickly swept it off onto the floor, tucking her legs beneath her. It was always quiet at this time when Sandy worked nights so Kerry usually kicked back with a journal or paperwork but tonight had been different. The words had begun to dance on the page in front of her as the tears obscured her vision.

They had fought again. It was starting to become a regular occurrence, especially after the miscarriage. Kerry knew she was looking for a fight but when you wanted something so bad what else was there to do? She had let too many things pass her by and this wasn't going to be one of the many regrets she would look back on.

"_You know I can't do this Kerry," Sandy pulled her jacket on, the frustration evident in her voice. She pulled her dark curls from under the collar and levelled Kerry with a steady gaze. "Do we have to keep having this conversation?"_

_Kerry had stood up as quick as her crutch would allow, facing her wife. "You know what this means to me Sandy, don't you want it to?"_

"_Yeah but if it comes down to choosing between having this baby and my career... You know I can't do it Kerry. Please don't make me." Sandy stepped forward, reaching out to Kerry who only batted her arms away, her eyes fierce._

"_But it was okay for me to right? And look what happened!"_

"_Hey!" Sandy's voice rose, "Stop trying to blame everything on me! The miscarriage wasn't my fault." With those last words she had picked up her bag slinging it over her shoulder and walking out._

Sighing heavily into her cup of coffee, Kerry shut her eyes for a moment, listening to the rain as it tapped gently against the window. The noise began to lull her to sleep so she reached forwards and placed the cup on the table in front of her before lying out on the sofa, watching the rain drops running down the panes. Soon sleep overwhelmed her until she awoke to a blanket being draped over her gently, signs of the rain from the night before gone.

...

"You like that honey?" Kerry held Henry in her arms, standing in the doorway to their yard. The rain was pouring from the storm clouds above, thunder rolling in the distance. "You like the rain?" The young toddler held his hands out gently at first, testing the drops that covered his hands and run down his chubby fingers.

Looking up at Kerry in amazement, his eyes lit up with happiness. There wasn't much Henry liked at the moment. Food, baths... God did he hate his baths. But rain? He smiled broadly, reaching both arms out towards the dark sky, grunting his wishes. Kerry looked down at her son, smoothing down the beginnings of his red hair.

Before she knew it she had stepped out into the yard, enjoying the cool rain running down both of them. She listened to Henry's gurgles of enjoyment and watched as he clapped his hands as if trying to catch the falling drops.

"You know me and your mummy met like this." Kerry explained to Henry who, of course, was paying her no attention. "It was the worst storm I had seen in a long time and we were both outside, just like us now." She smiled down at Henry, who turned to face her, wiping the rain off of her cheek roughly, smiling. "And now here I am, with you." She kissed his forehead, feeling the moist rain against her lips.

They both stood like this for what seemed like forever until the rain eventually slowed and stopped. As the sun appeared once more, Henry began to fidget in her arms. She took one last look up at the sky, the bright rays of the sun warming her face before she turned and headed inside with Henry wrapped tight in her arms.

**Friday**

The rain began to pound harder on the roof waking up the occupant of the room. Kim lifted her head slowly from the bed, rubbing her cheek slowly where the crumpled sheets had most likely left their marks. She looked at the empty bed in front of her; the faint smell of Kerry still lingered there. Exhaling, Kim closed her eyes feeling the tears that wanted to fall once more. She had never cried so much in her life but for this to happen after all this time, it was unbearable. A noise came from behind her and she looked up, the tears slowing.

"Is this all you've done?" Kerry asked lazily, leaning heavily on her crutch with her other hand protectively around her stomach, playing with the bandages. Her eyes followed Kim as she stood up, moving towards the fragile woman. This time there was no anger, no pain. Just relief. She reached her arms out, wrapping them gently around Kerry's body, trying to avoid pressing too close.

"I've missed you so much." Kim breathed into Kerry's hair, rubbing her back tenderly. Pulling away slightly, Kim looked up into the blue eyes, glittering from the tears.

"I've only been to the toilet and back." Kerry found herself laughing, hissing as a small pain started in her stomach. Kim looked concerned but Kerry quickly brushed it aside, "It's fine, really. Just a little tender."

Kim stood back, studying Kerry for a moment. She reached into her trouser pocket, pulling out the plain gold band that days ago Kerry had put into her shirt. Placing it gently into Kerry's palm, the redhead stared at it, a look of confusion on her face. "What's wrong?" Kim asked instinctively, reaching forward a protective hand to Kerry's abdomen.

"Nothing it's just... I think I had a strange dream the other night." Kerry brushed the thought aside, placing the ring into her breast pocket once more. "Must have been the drugs."

"Yeah, sure." Kim nodded, her eyes concerned for a moment but quickly passing. "I think perhaps you should get back into bed, get some rest."

Kerry nodded, accepting Kim's arms around her waist and guiding her onto the soft mattress. She lay back gently, letting Kim take the crutch from her and prop it against the wall. As Kim leant close, Kerry planted a soft kiss on the other woman's lips, smiling as Kim began to blush. Nestling her head into the pillow, Kerry stared up at the roof above her. "Don't you just love the rain... it's so relaxing..."

Trying not to think back to the last time she had witnessed the rain with Kerry, Kim replied, "It is isn't it? Anyway, get some sleep okay, I'll be in to check on you a bit later."

"I should hope so," Kerry managed a quick wink before her eyes shut heavily, the fatigue washing over her.

Kim stepped back, watching Kerry as she fell into sleep. She had been lucid the night of the shooting, the lack of anaesthetic and shock combined enough for the redhead to babble uncontrollably as they had fought to save her life. She had heard Sandy's name being called out and Henry's, but what struck her most was that Kerry had spoken Kim's too; followed by the words she had always longed to hear from the usually emotionally closeted woman.

"I love you too Kerry."

**A/N – **Ok so please let me know what you think. I didn't fancy a chapter of big words on how to save her life so I chose to focus instead on important flashbacks that Kerry feels as she's dying. I really enjoyed writing this one so look forward to seeing what you all thought.


	6. Chapter 6

**Friday Evening**

Lifting herself up slowly, Kerry moved her legs over the edge of the bed, wincing at the dull throbbing pain in her stomach. Placing her feet gently onto the floor beneath her, she reached over and retrieved her crutch, using it to pull herself up. She wobbled for a moment before managing to steady herself, smiling for her small victory in the dim room.

"And what do you think you are doing out of bed?" Kim stood in the doorway, leaning against the frame with her eyebrows raised, a small smile revealing the humour in her words.

"I was starting to get stiff, and you know I'm a bad patient." Kerry replied, taking small steps towards the blonde woman, who met her half way in the room, wrapping a guiding arm around the smaller woman's frame. "Is this how you treat all of your patients?" She looked up into Kim's face, her eyes glinting with mischief.

Grinning, Kim leant down and whispered in Kerry's ear, "Only the ones I'm in love with."

"I see…" They both began to move towards the doorway, Kerry's eyes now watching her feet make the small steps, "And exactly how many people is that?"

Kim laughed shortly, surprised at Kerry's sense of humour, "Just the one I'll have you know and does it really take getting shot to lighten you up?" She shot back playfully, enjoying the banter.

"Yes I suppose but let's not make a habit of it. This is bad enough." Kerry inhaled sharply as a pain shot through her stomach, making her legs weaken momentarily. Kim held the small woman against her, careful not to press too hard.

"Kerry are you sure you don't want to get back into bed?" Kim asked concerned. She brushed hair off of Kerry's forehead and saw a small tear run down the redheads cheek.

Kerry reached up and wiped it away quickly, not wanting Kim to see her even weaker than the woman thought already. Man up, she thought to herself, you've suffered years with the hip pain and now a little bullet wound is going to make you cry? "No I'm fine, really. You're not getting me into bed that easy Legaspi."

"A girl can dream huh." Kim kissed Kerry's head gently, before moving them both further forward and out of the room.

After several more steps and stops they made it into the mess hall where the doctors were finishing up their day with a hot meal and a well deserved drink of water. Gillian sat alone at a table, picking at the half eaten food in front of her. Spotting the two women making their way towards her, she stood up, a broad smile on her face.

"It is so good to see you up Kerry, you had me worried for a while." The French woman reached forward, helping Kim to lower her onto a seat before resuming her own, pushing the plate away to lean her arms on the table. "How are you feeling?"

"Not too bad," Kerry winced as she took her arm out of the crutch, resting it beside her. "How are the patients in the clinic?"

"They're fine, some have scrapes and bruises but no bullets. We got off lightly. I've heard of the Mai Mai torching clinics that were known to house government soldiers."

The three fell into a silence, each contemplating how bad the situation could have been for them all. After several moments Kim broke their thoughts. "I should grab us a couple of plates, you must be starving." She directed her comment at Kerry, who nodded weakly in reply. Gillian watched as the blonde stood up and walked away, but not before squeezing Kerry's shoulder reassuringly.

"So…" Gillian let her word trail off, her eyes studying Kerry who was staring at the empty space on her finger.

Realising Gillian was looking for the ring, Kerry quickly replied, "Must have taken it off me when they were operating." She knew it was a lie and knew that Gillian had probably been in the room as they had operated on her but didn't quite feel in the spirits to explain her new found relationship with Kim.

"I think she loves you." Gillian felt the need to add. She could sense Kerry was uncomfortable with publicly acknowledging what everyone at the clinic knew. They only had to take one look at the two doctors to realise something was going on.

Sighing, Kerry asked, "Do you think it's too soon?"

"Does it matter what I think?"

"Well it did a moment ago," Kerry laughed but then becoming serious once more. "There's so much we still don't know about each other and in a couple of days I'll be back home and who knows what will happen."

"You know she sat by you, the whole time you were in surgery. Had to fight her hand out of yours to treat you." Kerry smiled at the image, remembering how protective Kim could be over her. "She's devoted, any of us can see that Kerry and you would be a fool to let that pass you up again."

Sitting back in her seat, Kerry glanced over at the blonde woman heading towards them, two full plates in her hands. Her eyes wandered between the two women who sat still at the table, small smiles of secrecy on both of their lips. "Why do I feel like I'm interrupting something?" She asked curiously, placing a plate in front of Kerry before settling herself down.

"You're not," Gillian smiled at Kim, before exaggerating a stretch and yawn. "Sorry, long day. I had better be heading off. Have a good evening you two and it was great to see you up and about Kerry." She stood, patting Kerry's shoulder as she passed the woman, heading for the bedrooms.

Kerry picked up her fork and began to eat slowly, chewing her food with effort and swallowing it gently. This was the first solid food she had eaten since the shooting and she was surprised to find for a change that it tasted good. "Wow, absence does make the heart grow fonder." She said, eating another mouthful.

"Me or the food?" Kim asked, her eyes glistening in the soft lighting of the room. Joking aside now, Kim reached across and rested her hand on Kerry's arm, feeling the muscles tense up momentarily then relax.

"Do you really think we will work this time?" Kerry suddenly felt a wave of unease and insecurity and kept her eyes down, answering Kim with another question.

Tightening her grip on the pale arm, Kim let her thumb caress the soft skin, tracing the freckles beneath. "More than anything Kerry."

Nodding slowly, Kerry looked up into the deep blue eyes and knew that this woman could see right through her; a psych gift or a lover's gift Kerry couldn't tell but she knew in that instant that everything would be alright, so before she could stop herself, she brushed the blonde's lips with her own, answering Kim's question.

….

Laying back into the pillow, Kim took the crutch off of Kerry's arm, resting it on the wooden nightstand beside her within reach. Sighing heavily, Kim took a seat on the bed beside Kerry, whose eyes were beginning to droop. "You're leaving soon aren't you?"

Kerry murmured something before opening her eyes wider, forcing herself to remain awake for a little while longer. "Sunday probably, when do you leave?"

"I have another week." Kim traced her fingers lightly up down Kerry's arm until she came to the bandages wrapped tightly around her waist. She played with them mindlessly for a moment, before looking into the green eyes locked onto her own. "I'm going to miss this."

"I'm going to miss you." Kerry replied, her eyes beginning to close more firmly.

"I shouldn't be keeping you up, go to sleep Kerry." Kim cooed gently, brushing Kerry's cheek lightly. Thinking back to the first night she had been here with Kerry, she asked "Do you want me to get your picture?"

Opening her eyes again momentarily, Kerry thought back to her sons picture beneath her pillow in her other cot. Had Kim found it? Brushing this thought aside, Kerry moved herself over in the bed, ignoring the pain that throbbed in her side. "Not tonight. Will you lay here with me instead?"

"Of course," Kim swung her legs up onto the bed, tucking herself against Kerry's body. She felt an arm slip over her and around her waist, holding her body closer. "Be careful, I don't want to hurt you Kerry."

"It's fine, really." Kerry breathed onto Kim's neck, her eyes slipping shut for the final time that night. "I love you." She managed to murmur into Kim's hair before sleep took her.

Shutting her own eyes, Kim smiled to herself, reaching up and holding onto the arm that was holding her so close. "I love you too."

**A/N - More of a filler at the moment as I head towards the end. Please let me know what you think, should I perhaps do a follow up where they're both back? See where this leads? I have no idea so any suggestions are greatly received! Thank you.**


	7. Chapter 7

The next week seemed to slow down as Kim tried desperately to keep herself busy. She spent most of her days treating patients and her nights checking in on the clinic but Kerry was never far from her thoughts.

She had left last Sunday, well enough to return back to her life and son in Chicago. As much as Kim had wanted her to stay she knew she couldn't keep hold of Kerry; she wasn't the only one that needed her. She reached into her back pocket and pulled out a folded photo, staring at the smiling faces intently.

"_I have enough of these at home," Kerry chuckled, trying to break the tension. "I'd like you to keep a hold of it… if you want to of course." She added quickly, misreading the look in Kim's eyes. She handed over the photo that she had kept safe under her pillow, brushing Kim's hand as she reached out to take it._

"_Oh wow…" Kim mumbled, not trusting her emotions if she spoke any louder. "Thank you Kerry, this means… a lot." Gently running her fingers over the smiling faces of Kerry and Henry, she smiled at the redhead, tears brimming in her eyes._

She felt a small tear run down her cheek which she quickly brushed away, pocketing the photo once more and exhaling loudly, imagining what it would be like to be at Kerry's and meet Henry. She heard someone clearing their throat behind her and she turned to find Gillian watching. "Oh, I didn't see you there," Kim said with a small smile, her hand moving protectively over the pocket with the photo.

"Sorry I didn't mean to intrude. He's beautiful isn't he?" Gillian nodded towards where the photo sat, a grin on her face.

"Very," Kim turned to face the woman, "Did Kerry tell you much about his mother?"

"Not much really. We all have our reasons for coming out here, sure we all want to make a difference but most of the time, it's an escape. Kerry was never one to talk about her feelings, at least up until you arrived." Gillian smiled at the blonde whose cheeks began to turn a light shade of red. "You shouldn't be embarrassed, she cares about you a great deal. She's changed."

"Part of me is so happy to see that she finally moved on after us, accepting herself, but it hurts to know that I wasn't a part of that. She had a wife, a son and now… I don't know. I don't think I'll ever compare to what she's had." Leaning her head back against the wall, Kim pulled a small bottle of water out of her cargo trousers and took a long sip, trying to push her insecurities to the side.

Gillian stood in silence, not sure what to say, instead she settled on distraction. "I have another job for you, perhaps take your mind off of everything."

"That," Kim finished her drink, turning to face the woman, "Would be great. Thanks."

"Don't thank me yet, you don't know what it is."

…..

The sun preyed on them overhead, beginning to burn Kim's fair skin. Settling herself back onto the stool beneath the shade, she picked up another needle, uncapping it. The long line of people in front of her never seemed to dwindle and the day seemed to be dragging on. "Who's next?" She asked with a broad smile. The prospect of being stuck with a needle was foreign out here and Gillian thought her psychological expertise would be best used calming the people of Matenda enough to get them immunised.

A young girl stepped forward, ushered by her father. Kim could see the small tracks down her cheeks where tears had cut through the dirt and she reached out to the child, who sat on Kim's knee weakly, her eyes never leaving the needle in the blonde's hand. "I know honey, this might seem scary," She knew the child could not understand her, but she hoped the soothing tones in her voice would make the difference. "But I promise I won't hurt you."

As she spoke, Kim inserted the needle gently into the child's arm, watching the girl's face for a reaction. Pulling the needle out slowly, the girl turned to look at Kim, a small smile raising her cheeks. "See, not so bad." Kim gave the child a quick grin before the father took her, nodding his thanks to the doctor.

Kim looked over at Gillian who sat on a stool nearby, her own line of people eagerly awaiting their shots. "You're good with children." Gillian called across as she dealt with a wriggling child on her lap. "I think I scare them."

Laughing to herself, Kim beckoned the next child forward, dropping her needle into a bucket at her feet and uncapping the next one. The child sat without complaint on Kim's lap, swinging their legs playfully. Thinking back to the photo still in her pocket, she imagined if Henry would be like this; carefree and happy. It was amazing what children could overcome and in her line of work she had seen her share of them. From broken households, domestic violence and to the children she had seen in the Congo battling disease, death and loss, she wondered how it was that they were so resilient to life's pain.

"I thought this was supposed to take my mind off of things?" Kim called over to Gillian who smiled at the blonde's hidden accusation.

"The children needed vaccinating," Gillian answered sweetly, winking at Kim. "And to be fair, I did say 'perhaps'." Gillian was right; the children needed vaccinating but she also knew Kim needed to be reminded that she could fall into the family unit she longed for.

"Ah, I see, technicality huh." She injected the happy child in front of her, smiling again as the child hopped off of her lap and skipped off towards a group of playing toddlers. "I get the point."

"I'm glad you do, you've been missing it these past few days." Gillian finished with her wriggling child, throwing the needle to the ground beneath her and taking a long sip of water, ignoring Kim's gaze.

"I've lost her once Gillian, this time she has a child. I don't know if I can handle all of this." Kim looked down at her feet, kicking softly at the dirt as the children in front of her fought over who would go next.

"You love her right?" Gillian asked simply, grabbing Kim's attention back.

"More than anything."

"Then you can handle all of this." Gillian turned back to the queue in front of her, brandishing another needle.

Kim rubbed her eyes gently, losing herself in her thoughts for a moment. She knew Gillian was right. There was a reason why she and Kerry had both headed out here and they had both come so far. So she had a child, a life without her… could she match up to that? But if it was a case of all or nothing with Kerry; Then she'd pick all. Every time.

**A Few Days Later**

"_Come to Chicago, stay with us for a while. Meet Henry." Kerry held Kim's hands in front of her as they stood outside the clinic, Kerry saying her final goodbyes before she left. Her eyes were pleading with Kim's that had begun to tear up._

"_I don't know Kerry, you've got this life now and… it would be intrusive."_

"_Not if you were invited," Kerry tried to lighten the situation, rubbing the blonde's hands in her own. "Please Kim, I need to see you, I can't do this again."_

Kim stood in the crowded airport, her backpack slung high on her shoulder and her eyes scanning the departures board methodically, watching for her flight. It flashed up quickly and she began to move forward, stopping only when she saw the photo drop out of her front pocket and onto the floor ahead of her. Kneeling down, she picked it up, gazing at the two faces that seemed to welcome her to them. She smiled back at them and pocketed the picture once more, this time in her back pack. As she did so she pulled out her flight ticket, tracing her fingers over the words _San Francisco _and sighing heavily. In that split second she felt torn by the people that she wanted and the life she had tried hard to make for herself. But the second passed and she moved with the crowd around her, tearing up the ticket in her hands and dumping it in the nearest trash can.


	8. Chapter 8

Settling herself down deeper into the sofa cushions, Kerry took a long sip of red wine, enjoying the peace and quiet around her. She had managed to put Henry down to bed a half hour earlier than normal, exhausted from a day of catching up, and she took the time to finally relax.

Taking another sip, Kerry appraised the wine in her glass, swirling the red liquid around the edges slowly. Listening to the silence in the room, Kerry couldn't help but feel somewhat lonely for a moment, which was ridiculous, she thought, I have my son, my life, my work…

_But not her._

Shaking her head as if physically removing the thoughts from her mind, she rested her glass down on the coffee table, stretching back and leaning her head on the back of the sofa. She kept her eyes open for a moment, staring at the light hanging above her head. It reminded her of the Congo, the sun beaming above, unrelenting. Her hand moved subconsciously to her stomach, her fingers finding the small bandages that now covered her wounds through her shirt.

She thought back to that day, seeing Kim leaning over her, her hands pressed firmly into Kerry's stomach. She could feel the soft tears falling on her own face and there was only one thing that bothered her; not that she was dying but that after all this time, she was still hurting Kim.

"_Kerry?" A soft voice had called out to her in her sleep, opening her eyes gently. She had expected to see Kim's face at the foot of her bed, worry etched on the blonde woman's face but instead she saw Gillian standing over her, taking her pulse from her wrist. "Are you awake?"_

"_Hmmm…" Was all she could muster at that moment, her eyes rolling to the French woman._

"_It's okay, take it easy. You've been hurt, but you're fine now." Gillian explained lowering Kerry's pale arm, careful not to interfere with the IV._

"_Kim." Kerry asked hoarsely, her throat painful. "Is she…"_

"_She's fine Kerry, exhausted but fine." Gillian gave the weak woman a small smile, nodding over to the sleeping blonde curled up in the chair beside her._

_Watching the woman sleep, Kerry smiled to herself, wincing only at the throbbing in her side. She looked down at the bandages around her stomach, the first signs of blood beginning to soak through. "What happened?" She reached out a hand, gingerly touching the bandages. "Was it bad?"_

"_It could have been worse. Two, through and through almost. One nicked your liver but all in a days work." Gillian reached out and adjusted the drip in her IV, studying the slowly flowing liquid._

"_Were you there?"_

_Gillian stared back at the red head, "Operating?" Kerry nodded gently in response. "Yes I was there."_

"_And Kim?"_

_Pausing a moment as if not sure how much to say, Gillian replied, "All the time. She held your hand through everything."_

_Kerry closed her eyes, not quite sure what to do with that information. Opening them quickly, she looked at Gillian, panic in her eyes, "She didn't-"_

"_No," Gillian cut her off abruptly, anticipating the question. "I couldn't let her. You don't usually stick your hands inside your girlfriend's stomach until at least the second date right? Is that how you Americans do it?" Gillian lightened the moment, her eyes twinkling. She laughed at the relief on Kerry's face and the smile that followed._

_They both remained silent, watching Kim in the chair beside them. She stirred gently, turning herself over then resuming her deep sleep._

"_Thank you," Kerry finally spoke, lifting her arm up and gripping Gillian's hand lightly, squeezing the fingers._

"_You would have done the same for me-" Gillian began only to be cut off by Kerry this time._

"_I meant for everything. All the help and guidance, for saving my life and for looking after her." Kerry's eyes fell on Kim once more, her eyes beginning to shut slowly._

"_You're very lucky Kerry, not many people get another chance like this."_

She opened he eyes careful not to burn her retina's out on the light above. Squinting and looking around, Kerry's eyes fell on the clock on the wall. It had been nearly an hour and feeling quite refreshed, she went to sit up, holding her stomach as she moved. Pulling her hand away she felt a dampness on her finger tips and looking down, she could see the red stains on her blouse and skin. Sighing heavily, she stood up, using the crutch beside her for support. She made her way towards the stairs, keeping her footsteps light as to not wake Henry up.

When she made it to the large en suite, she carefully unbuttoned her shirt, leaning against the counter behind her. Hissing as she began to peel off the bandages, she closed her eyes, not wanting to see the blood on her stomach. Over the years she had grown accustomed to the sight of blood and organs but seeing her own; glimpsing her own mortality was too much. She placed the bandages on the floor, careful to tuck them behind the door for the moment in case Henry found her in here after another nightmare.

Reaching out to the towel rack, she pulled one off and pressed it to her stomach firmly, mopping up the blood. At that moment the doorbell rang downstairs, startling Kerry. Swearing under her breath, she entered her bedroom, towel pressed to her stomach and blouse open. Peeking out of the doorway first as not to come across her son, Kerry snuck down the stairs as quietly as she could, juggling the crutch and towel.

The bell rang again, louder now as she stood in front of the door. Dropping the towel to the ground beside the door. Kerry hastily buttoned her blouse up, slightly crooked but enough to cover herself. Opening the door, Kerry stepped back, her eyes taking in the blonde woman on her doorstep.

"Can I come in?" Kim asked, her eyes studying the redhead's eyes then falling to the blouse. "Oh, I'm sorry, am I interrupting-"

"No, not at all." Kerry answered hurriedly, knowing what Kim must have been thinking. "Please come in." She stepped back, allowing the tall woman past. Once inside, she shut the door, her eyes never leaving Kim in front of her. "Wow, you're here." Was all she could say and she chided herself at how obvious that must have sounded.

Kim lowered her backpack to the floor, noticing the towel with smears of blood,. "Oh my God Kerry are you ok?" She stepped forwards, instinctively moving towards the smaller woman.

"Yes I'm fine, just some bleeding. Was trying to sort it when the bell rang," Kerry smiled at the concern on Kim's face as she reached down and picked up the towel awkwardly, leaning against the wall. "Really Kim, I'm fine." She undone her buttons once again, pressing the towel to her stomach.

"You're not ok Kerry, let's get you cleaned up." Kim moved forwards, wrapping an arm around Kerry's waist and the other holding the towel, allowing Kerry to walk easier.

"I just need some fresh bandages-"

"And to get cleaned up, you're starting to get blood on your pants." Kim chided her half serious, reminded of the many 'arguments' the two had had. She helped Kerry up the stairs and with Kerry's directions, into the en suite once more. Kim left her against the counter as she filled the sink with lukewarm water and grabbing a flannel off the side. "Now tell me if this hurts ok." She soaked the flannel then wrung it out before pressing it against Kerry's skin, wiping away the blood gently. "Is this ok?"

Kerry watched the woman in front of her, seeing her own blood beginning to dot onto Kim's hands. "You know we haven't even had a second date yet." Kerry remarked, smiling at the conversation she had had with Gillian.

"What?" Kim looked up, a confused smile on her own face. "Is this pressure ok?" She repeated, continuing her work.

"It's fine." Kerry replied, "And it's not important."

"It is important though Kerry because it sounded like you were asking me out on a date." Kim studied the wounds in front of her, picking up a clean towel from the side and patting dry the area.

"And what would you say if I was?" Kerry shot back, feeling a rush of adrenaline in her stomach as Kim looked up at her, holding her stare easily.

Kim stood back for a moment before rummaging in the cupboards beneath the sink, pulling out a fresh plaster and bandage. Ignoring the question and the growing look of worry on Kerry's face, Kim began to wrap the bandage around Kerry, standing up and circling her arms around the red head, fastening it tight. She felt Kerry's breath on her collarbone and she smiled, knowing she wouldn't be able to keep up the game for much longer.

"I would say that sounds wonderful." She whispered into Kerry's ear, laughing at the exhale from the small woman beneath her. She kissed her forehead, letting her lips linger there for a moment before pulling away, her own question now.

"And what if I said I didn't want to go back to San Francisco?"

Kerry stood back, studying the woman in front of her and all of a sudden she could see the insecurities in the normally stoic blue eyes. She wasn't going to play games now. "I would ask you to stay." She thought back to the night in Doc Magoo's where she had uttered the same words, begging the psychiatrist to stay not only for that night, but in her life.

Moving forwards quickly, Kim found herself pressed up against Kerry, her hands cupping her cheeks and bringing Kerry's lips up to her own.


End file.
